This week was particularly busy and frustrating for me. It seemed I could not get anything I needed to get done, done – let along what I wanted to get done. When these times happen, it becomes very easy to slide off of our decision to stick to our goals and keep up with our choice to make at least one small change in the middle of everything else.
So as I faced this dilemma with great aggravation, I decided to default to the serenity prayer and accept what I could not change in my circumstances and focus on what I could change. So even though there were projects making me crazy and “right in front of my eyes where I had to look at” that are needing to be taken care of – I chose 1 thing that I wanted to see happen and decided how I could possibly “fit” it in. It was my flower beds by my front porch. I have been helping my daughter with her landscaping business and so I have been weeding other individual’s gardens and then coming home to mine that looked atrocious! I knew that the physical work would and is (careful what you ask for as I wanted to get back in better shape and so my daughter has been helping make that happen as I work in the heat getting up and down to weed and throw mulch and clean up and . . .) also helping with my stress level emotionally. I also knew how emotionally benefiting it would be to see my flower beds looking beautiful instead of scraggly and all full of weeds. I began by setting small goals. Weed one side the first night. Then the second block of time I made happen, I mulched that side. I had to do some other things the next day but then today I weeded the other side and watered everything so nothing died – weeded or not. It may take me several more days before I get all my beds and yard the way I would like it – but seeing even the smallest of progress and feeling the accomplishment of having something worked on – did wonders for my mental well being!
It’s that simple act of not letting life’s circumstances, things that have to be done and the wishes and demands of other’s to completely control me. I’ve lived most of my life that way and just don’t want to any more. These small decisions and then sticking by them and honoring what I want and need are important. I was reading a book that will count for some of my continuing education requirements and it was talking about taking care of yourself so you can be better equipped to take care of others that you love and chose to be there for in your life.
It seems like a small and simple thing to take a few minutes each day to do something 
that I really care about and I find it really makes me feel better about “me” – and it feels as if it is really paying off big in the long run and overall picture! I feel like I am accomplishing something and honoring “me” as I continue to take that extra time to work in my flower beds and take care of my tomato plants, park in the “back 40” of the parking lot and fit in even 5 minutes of stretching before I go to bed.
I used to think doing things I wanted and like to do just for “me” was really selfish and found myself always putting the wants and needs of my family / others first – however the book is right that we have to take care of ourselves first to be genuinely loving to others. All of those years of not seeing me as important and not “listening” to my inner wants and needs are what lead me to feelings of depression (which is suppressed anger), anger, victimhood, exhaustion, irritated at others, critical of myself and others and the list goes on. It took me many years to understand all these emotions that I had buried and denied were “underneath” the extra weight I was carrying around and the reason I overate trying to “fill” that empty void I always felt inside. The addiction to have the approval of others at all cost kept me from hearing what I was really feeling as I was not important enough to listen to.
Then I began to feel like I was coming completely unglued and not dealing with anything well – which was certainly the truth of the matter. So I began my journey to learn to love me, my body and my life. It does make a huge difference in what you do and how you act when you don’t love yourself and don’t honor your body for all the wonderful things it does for us. And when these two issues are out of sync, then you can’t enjoy your life. And as I’m approaching the downhill part of my life – it’s just that much more obvious that I don’t want to spend any more days that I don’t enjoy and appreciate – I’m exhausted by just trying to survive at all cost any way I can.
I am consciously “taking” control of my mind and how I allow it and others to affect me and what I do. I don’t have to be mean and make huge changes – however, I can make small and simple ones that bring me joy and peace. As I feel better about me and my life, it’s a lot easier to share and give love to others.
It’s been a long time coming and I hope and pray that the tidbits of insight that I have learned can help a couple of others along the way – maybe before they reach the “over the hill” side of life.
Blessings to you as you find little ways to bring joy through simple choices that produce accomplishments you wish to have in your life. May you find you are moving toward loving yourself, your body and your life!
I Can Do This Lifestyle 